Screen time is stolen time: 19 digital rules for kids and families
This is an appendix to my review of Michel Desmurget’s 2022 book Screen Damage: The Dangers of Digital Media for Children. At the end of the book, Desmurget suggests “Seven Fundamental Rules.” However, they do not actually resemble a clear list, so I have reformulated them, incorporated other ideas from the book, and compiled them into a handy list. To delve deeper into Desmurget’s ideas, read my review, “Screen time is stolen time,” in City Journal, as well as Desmurget’s book itself: Screen Damage: The Dangers of Digital Media for Children.
19 digital rules for kids and families
1. Before kids reach the age of 6: no screens at all! For children’s proper development, not only are screens unnecessary, but they also need to be kept out of kids’ reach—just like harmful substances.
2. After kids turn 6: no more than 30 minutes of screens per day, increasing to a maximum of 1 hour by the age of 12. This includes all screens, including TV.
3. Allowing no screen time is easier than allowing a little. Temptation is easier to avoid when it is neither known nor in sight. Delay a child’s first screen experience for as long as possible.
4. No screens in the bedroom!
5. No inappropriate content. Use common sense and parental control software.
6. No screens in the morning before school. Digital excitement can make school content feel boring. Instead, use mornings and breakfasts for family interactions, letting school bring the excitement of the outside world.
7. No screens before bedtime. Screens severely affect both the length and quality of sleep.
8. One thing at a time. Multiple screens create the habit of split attention and damage concentration abilities.
9. Boredom during leisure time is important! When children have nothing to do, they face the challenge of entertaining themselves, which is highly beneficial for cognitive development (in a safe home environment, of course).
10. Growing up without digital devices will help kids use them more meaningfully in adulthood.
11. Fewer screens allow for more life. Parenting means interacting with kids, not delegating the job to screens.
12. Screen control is not only about gadgets for kids. It involves re-arranging the entire family ecology—kids observe how adults use screens and accept it as the norm. Kids will not develop a sober attitude toward digital devices if parents are glued to screens.
13. Allocate screen use for work or recreation to a separate room (such as a home office) or a specific time (such as family TV watching) whenever possible.
14. Making rules is effective. Arbitrary prohibitions lead to conflicts. From the moment screens are introduced into children’s lives, formal rules should be established. With sufficient parental determination, children will adapt.
15. Replacement activities will help avoid temptation. Use sports, arts, and all forms of non-digital fun. (A terrifying fact: this is the same strategy used in fighting drug addiction.)
16. Explaining “why other kids are allowed, but I am not” is perhaps the hardest part of digital parenting. Parents should be able to explain the harm of screens to a child’s intelligence, health, concentration, academic performance, and future.
17. Meaningful explanations might not be accepted right away, but they will form beneficial patterns in the long run. It is better for kids to be aware of screen damage than to blindly give up their lives to devices.
18. Integrate screen-coping strategies into the general principles of time management: teach kids to schedule their day, giving them a sense of agency over their behavior.
19. Restricting screens at an early age is a tactical goal. The strategic goal is to build adolescents’ capacities for self-regulation. Do not give up on kids, and they will be grateful as they grow and realize what was at stake.
See also books by Andrey Mir:
I am sorry if this sounds harsh but this list has been compiled by someone who has no respect for young people and has never observed the process of self-directed learning and self-organization in young individuals. Harsh control in terms of access to knowledge and community and severe censorship have never empowered young people, these means have only made them less media and tech savvy and hence more vulnerable to any dangers they may encounter online once they are finally allowed to explore the online world. There is a lot of fear of technology among parents and there are many populist authors and politicians feeding on that fear, while in reality, no methodologically sound study has ever shown any causative negative effect of social media on kids' and teens' metal health. Jonathan Haidt's notorious book has been famously debunked by scientists who have actually devoted decades to this specific area. Moreover, for many kids and teens with mental health challenges, as well as for those among them who desperately struggle to understand what is going on with them (queer kids, for instance) the internet can be literally lifesaving, as it has been for my trans son. My other son taught himself programming and advanced math from a very early age, all thanks to YouTube. When you are different, online may be the only place you can find answers and stories by people who have been through the same struggles and who will tell you it'll get better like no therapist, or parent or teacher ever could. It's so important that today's society embraces young people's rights to make and own their decisions, to access resources and to make connections. This doesn't mean being negligent - this can be done in an engaged way, exactly the same way we learn to navigate the city, crossing the road, being out and about. You don't lock your kid up until they turn 18. This may have devastating effects on your kid's capacity discover themselves and their interests (which may be very different from what you can imagine as a parent or from what you even know exists), on their capacity to adapt to and survive in the digital world as well as on your relationship.
My daughter has been very strict with her three about iphone access and screentime. She and her partner are academics, intellectual and socially aware. However, many parents at her daughter’s school weren’t. Accordingly, one of their children recently suffered years social media group bullying by other kids of severe anti intellectualism, expressed through sexualised violence and resulting in her a physical breakdown and months of hospitalisation. Simply for being too ‘sensitive’ and inconveniently intelligent. I can see the logic of these rules but unless there is a political will to take on the toxic anarchy of a greed obssessed international Tech Broligarchy that informs the engineered base structuring of all digital media, my granddaughter’s persecution could soon become yet another societal Femicidal norm, all of us becoming complicit in this inhumane exchange for the benefits of Tech Bro profiteers.